Old Ed'ard's Sayin's

This is a collection of words, expressions, remedies, and advice that were passed around in the List Family. No one knows for sure where all of them originated but I think a lot of them came from the family themselves. I have been collecting them for a few years now and decided to make a master list so that the members who would like them can have a list and add to it others I may have missed. Here goes.

Vocabulary List

Acafortis "strong as acafortis" Strong water? A wini foots Don't know what it is? Call it a winifoots. Whadjamacallit Unknown object. What ever you want to call it. Lollipalooser Huge. Monstrous. Hoot nanny a party. A festive occasion Hoe down A dance or party Fairdameddlin Feeling so-so. Not good, not bad Mess As in a "mess" of green beans. Just enough. Raft A whole lot of something. A raft of wood etc. Rinkstamadinkstamajimmicomaquiver This is a word Dad would give me to spell when I could spell all the words in my lesson. No idea what it means. Slumgolian A hash. A mixture of things all together in a pot. Tasty! Crumian Bread and milk together in a bowl. Crumb in? Uncle Raymond made this one famous. Cat'sasstrophe A catastrophe. Mater A tomato Also called "Matey" Tater A potato Squamishy Feeling squeamishly. Sick to your stomach. Squamishy also means overcooked, gooey. Make the connection. (Squeamish) Momix A disgusting mixture of ingredients. A mess. "You are making a momix". Spewed Leaked Quitterments Accouterments. Privy Outdoor toilet Whipstitch Short amount of time. In a whipstitch. P.D.Q. Pretty Darn Quick. Grub Food. Floozy A loose woman. Doozy Something good. "That's a doozie!" Pisswilly A smart aleck little kid. Skitters Diarrhea Slather To put on a lot of something. Slather on the lotion. Ot Zero Vittles Food Smitten Taken with. In love with. Sop Dip bread into the juices of meat. At Grandma's, it was the grease from fried pork, bacon, etc. The sop was the juices. Gooseliver Braunschweiger. Clodhoppers Old boots. Usually worn to work in the dirt. I remember hearing "take off those clodhoppers!" as a person came into the house. Machine Referred to the car. "Get in the machine." Rank Rotten smell. A jakeleg A drunk. Puddle jumper An inexpensive old car. Tight Nearly drunk. Jimmied Unlocked a lock without a key. Hoosegow Jail. Slivers Slices. Sliver of orange. Ragman Man who walked the alley calling out "raaags…raaags!" collecting old rags to sell and scaring the kids silly. Fracas A disturbance. Kink A "stink" or BM. Made popular by Earl Palmer. (Maw) Glom Stick your hands into something messy. Glom into it. Three sheets to the wind Nearly drunk Tipsy Too much to drink Turd fast To be constipated Hock a chickey To cough. Came from Aunt Kitty Tin Lizzy Model T Ford Lizzy Just referred to any car. Purve Stir in a drawer. Look for something. Gee-whockered Crooked, messed up. Lank Hungry. Rinks Rear-end. "Get your rinks in here!"(Rinktems another version) Toe jam The dirt between toes when socks removed. Whistle britches Corduroy pants. (Pants whistled when they walked.) Clabber The top layer of fresh milk used to make cottage cheese. Hankerin' Desire for something. Heebeejeebees A nervous state. Waller Roll around Wheedle Get information from you. Wheedle it out of you. Cow tit Milk Hen fruit egg Goose egg Knot on the head Snaggle toothed Missing or broken teeth Spit bath To bathe using the wash pan, soap, and water. Slop jar A pee pot Out of kilter Crooked Out of whack Alternative to out of kilter Wad of money Handful of money. "Good for what ails ya'" You were about to be given something to eat you didn't want. Maybe caster oil Sacheting Showing off. Sacheting around. Whip stitch Every whipstitch, or once in a while. Kicked the bucket Died. Give it a whirl Try it 2 shakes of a dead cat's tail I'll be there in 2 shakes of a dead cat's tail. A mouthful of gimmee and a handful of take. a user. Bellerin' Crying. A bellerin' child. (Bellowing) Bawl Bag A person who complains or cries too much. In a tailspin Upset about something. Highkerflutin' Someone who acts high classed. Humdinger Huge. A humdinger! Goose Heaven Where Santa took the bad kids on Christmas. Bunkem squint Yummy! Tastes as good as it gets. Sow tit A huge perfect blackberry. Dern tootin' For sure. Slim pickins Not much to choose from. Snazzy Fancy Muss Mess. Chitaqua A festival. On top of the hill in Lawshe, a chitauqua was held each year. Chucked Closed tightly. (chocked) Persnickerdy Very particular. (Pernickerty) Lollapaloser Big one! Queedle rag A towel or washcloth used only for expressed purposes. (Think about it.) Horsdovries Appetizers. Lamb's leg Runny nose Whopperjawed Crooked. Bird's nests Underarm hair Piddling around wasting time Dolap Fleshy skin that hangs such as under the chin or under arms. Grannying Being on one's period. Dauncy Drowsy or tired Ought Shouldn't (You ought not to do that) Neck of the woods A place. Up in that "neck of the woods". Shanks Mare walk or hike Juperous Anxious; uneasy Smack-dab perfectly- as in Smack Dab in the middle of something.

Expressions

Lists have heard some or all of these expressions at one time or another in their lives. If you find any offensive, well, too bad. They are "straight from the horse's mouth" and meant to be funny.

Fried farts and pickled assholes The disgruntled cook's reply to "What's for dinner?" Go eat shit with the chickens! Suggestion from the disgruntled cook. Bassackwards Backwards or ass backward. Bawling snot and water Really crying hard. Shakin' like a dog shittin' bones Nervous Shakin' like a dog poopin' peach seeds. Another version of nervous Flouncing Jumping around Pig Turd Alley The name of the street behind the old house at Lawshe. Dry as a fart Pretty dry. Black as the ace of spades Black. Hold down the fort. Keep an eye on the house by staying there and waiting. Dumber than a barrel full of assholes Not too bright. Scarcer than hens teeth Hens have no teeth! Very hard to find. Naked as a jaybird Naked Naked as a bird's eye Naked Sick as a dog Not feeling well. Healthy as a horse Very healthy Red as a beet Embarrassed White as a ghost pale Green as grass Green. Soft as shit Very soft. Happy as a lark Feeling especially well. Kickin' up daisies Dead. Tooth and nail Resist with all you have. Hot biscuits Horse poop steaming in the road. Mean as a snake Very mean! Mad as a hornet Very angry! Won't come out of his shell Won't open up and talk. Epizootic of the blowhole A cold. Of course, all you doctors know this one. Cool as a cucumber Calm, cool and collected. Alamagooslem Your rear-end. "Fell down and busted my allamagooslem." Got a fart crossways? What is the matter with you? Someone who is cranky. Gayle always spelled it out, "p-h-a-r-t" You look like death warmed over. Not looking too well. The part of the chicken that went over the fence last. Description of the tail of the chicken, when cleaning the chicken to fry. Guinea's ass, take a bite. Angry reply to the question, "What is that?" Raining cats and dogs A downpour of rain. Got up before the crow peed. Out of bed early. Went to bed with the chickens. Went to bed early. Slow as the old cow's tail. Quite slow. Step on a crack, break your Mother's back. Game while sidewalk walking. Slicker than snot. (Self explanatory.) One foot in the grave. Getting old. Hell bent to the election In a big hurry. Give up the ghost Stop trying. Bleed my geese Excuse to go to the bathroom. (Aunt Kitty used to say that) Go see Miss Jones (Aunt Kitty alternative) Go to the bathroom. Had a finger in the pie Had something to do with it. Dumb as an ox Not to smart. Dilly dally Stall or hesitate. Lettuce, turnip and pea Three essentials in the old joke about the 3 main vegetables in a garden. Whet your whistle Get a drink. Gimme doe To ask for the first note when preparing to sing. Kick up your heels Dance Been through the mill Just about had all you can take. When Shep was a pup A long time ago. Toad strangler Downpour of rain. Burr up your ass? Are you riled about something? Good for what ails you. Something to make you feel better. All in a dither Upset about something. Decked out Dressed up. Crooked as a dog's hind leg Crooked. That's a fine how do you do Frustrating situation. Tough as nails Nothing upsets this person or thing. Don't get your dander up. Don't get all upset. Just sit there on your butt like a bulldog. Do nothing to help. Flat as a pancake. Describes anything flat. "Fall flat as a pancake!" Get out the big pot and the little one Prepare dinner. Black your ass and go naked. What to do when you have "nothing to wear." Fly in the ointment. Something suspicious going on. Pig shit and hominy! Phooey! Something rotten in Denmark. Something suspicious again. Whole kit and kaboodle Every one of something. Rotgut whiskey Bad homebrew whiskey. Fit to be tied. Very angry. Clean as a whistle Very clean. Shit fire and turkey turds! -Expression of disgust Out of kilter Not right. Crooked. Grinning like a skunk eatin' shit. BIG SMILE! Out gallivanting around Out running around with no purpose. Make hay while the sun shines Take advantage of a good situation. Your goose is cooked! You have had it. Shit fire and save matches- Another angry disgusted remark. Putting on the dog. Show off. Your best behavior. Sunday go to meetin' clothes Your best clothes. Flew the coop. Left. Deader than a mackerel Dead. Cry me a handful Tease a child when she is crying by holding a hand under her chin and saying this. Turn of the tears. Fake crying to get your way. Groundhogs making coffee Rising fog from the hills in early morning. Santa Claus is making candy A winter sunset when the sky is all colors. The old man spilled the potatoes Loud thunder. The cream of the crop The best of the group. Rolled off like water off a duck's back. Paid no attention. Walk the straight and narrow Stay out of trouble. Rubberneck; shit a peck Response to someone staring. Didn't sleep a wink. Didn't sleep at all. Freckled as a guinea's egg Lots of freckles. Get your goat. Let someone get the best of you. Heekack Disturbance. Cause trouble. Feel like you have been drug through a cow's ass backwards. Had a very bad day. Give more soup More space or slack. Tan your hide. Spank. Suck the seed. Just take what is left over. Chompin' at the bit Anxious to go. Not worth a fart in a whirlwind. No account. Fly by night Not dependable. When Hell freezes over never Finger in the pie. Had something to do with the situation. You weren't dry behind the ears yet. You were too young to remember. Don't get yourself in a tizzy Don't get upset. Got your tit in the wringer You are in a bad situation. (Wringer washer) Black as coal. Very dirty and black. Have to pee so bad I can taste it. REALLY have to pee. Sawing off the logs. Sleeping. Free as the wind. Nothing to hold you back. Now, you are steamboating. Now you are getting it right. John Henry Your signature. Jumped the gun. Moved too soon. Hit the hay. Go to bed. Got the big eye. Can't sleep. Big as a barrel Big from pregnancy. Can't shit in the snow. You will be found out if you do something wrong. The chickens always come home to roost. If you do something bad you will get found out. Words roll off like water on a duck's back. Lies a lot. Galoot Stupid person Rag room A storage room off the upstairs hallway at Grandma's house where she hung old and out of season clothing, etc. Got you over a barrel Got you right where they want you. Smokes like a smokestack. Smokes too much. Petered out Tired. The shit will hit the fan. Trouble is about to happen. Well, for crying out loud! Surprise exclamation. All in a dither Nervous, upset and confused. The cat's meow. The greatest. Potlicker Aunt Annie's dog. (Just put that in because I liked it.) Whippersnapper Young know it all. What time is it? Two freckles past a hair. What time is it? "Milkin' time! Your bag a itchin'?" (Referring to a cow) What time is it? "Same time as it was this time yesterday, only a day later!" Hotter than a mackerel HOT! Wet as a mackerel Wet. (Mackerel must have been a popular fish!) You hit the nail on the head. You got it exactly right. Fiddling around Wasting time. "Quit fiddlin' around!" Conniption fit Temper tantrum The little end of the horn The worst of a deal. "You came out at the little end of the horn." Shitty end of the stick The worst end of a deal again. Get your come upins Get what you deserve. Bite into a horse (or hog) turd and get glad. What you do when you are mad. 2 cheeks and no nose A rear-end. Were you born in a barn? Reply"(no I was born in a horses ass were it opens and closes itself!)- (Conversation when a door is left open) Ginny snapper girl's private parts. (sometimes called "queedle" Lies like a dog Lies a lot. When the cows come home Never Smells like a slop bucket Smells badly Drinks like a fish Drinks a lot Slept like a log Slept without waking Laughed like a fool Laughed hysterically Name the 3 parts of a stove. Lifter, leg, and poker. (X) A lick and a promise. A quick hair combing for a child. The mother licked her fingers and smoothed down the hair of the child. "Gave it a lick and a promise." Pull on the puckerin' string What you are told to do if you have to go really bad and have to wait on the privy. "You got much neck." Earl Palmer to John Fent as a little child. (I love this one.) Can't see for looking Can't see something when it is right in front of you. Licking your chops Anticipating good food. Two shakes of a dead cat's tail The time you promise to do what is asked. (Never) Shenanigans Nonsense. "Quit the shenanigans!" A switch A twig from a tree used to correct the child. (Usually an idle threat.) " I'm gonna go cut a switch!" Sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth. Describing a deliberately sweet lady. Can't hit the side of a barn. Poor aim with a hammer and nail. "Goose it!" Pull the throttle of a car out to get it going. You shit in your nest. You made a mess of things so do something about it. Fit as a fiddle feeling good Got a letter from turd Let one. (Aunt Kitty)"Let a fart behind the cart and blew it all to thunder!" My big guts are eating up the little ones. Very hungry Thicker than the fleas on a dog's back- Pretty thick. Skinny as a rail Skinny. The cat's meow Very special. Flew the coop! Disappeared. In a pig's eye Not likely Madder than a wet hen Wet hens are pretty mad! Shit fire and save matches! Expression of disgust. Sang like a bird Excellent singer. Naked as a jay bird Naked Dirty as a pig pen Filthy Clean as a whistle Extra clean Straight as a pin Straight Sharp as a tack Smart Pretty as a picture- Pretty Ugly as sin Ugly Sly like a fox Very cunning Quiet as a mouse Silent Hard as a rock Solid Right as rain Correct Drank like a monkey Drank a lot. White as snow White Blue in the gills Feeling sick. Slippery as an eel sneaky Deader than a doornail Dead. Crazy as a bed bug Loony Quicker than a weasel Fast! Thicker than pea soup Thick Stiff as a poker Referred to a dead person or animal. Stiff as a board Referred to a dead person or animal. Quick as a wink- Real quick Black as pitch Can't get any blacker. Brown as a berry Suntanned Memory like an elephant Remembers everything. Sweet as pie Likeable person. Cute as a button Adorable Higher than a kite Drunk Weak as a kitten Feeling faint Fat as a pig Really fat Jumped up and down and clicked her heels together! Pure elation. Let the cat out of the bag Told the secret. Been through the mill Worn out. Get on your high horse Think you are better than another is. Put on your thinking cap Think about it. Doless Lazy (do less) You look like 2 burnt holes in a sheet When someone is pale. Flew the coop Left home.

Remedies

SUGAR TIT Wrap a spoonful of sugar in a piece of cloth. Add enough water to make it soft. Used to make a pacifier for a little baby. SORE THROAT Smooth Vicks Vaporub onto the child's throat. Use wool cloth to wrap the throat overnight. HEARTBURN Soda pop. Mix half vinegar and half water. Add a spoonful of soda and a spoonful of sugar until it starts to fizz. You must drink it while it is fizzing. EAR ACHE Uncle Clyde used to blow cigarette smoke into my ear for this. It really did work. GROWING PAINS Eat a banana. (?) SHINEY HAIR? Rinse with a teaspoon of vinegar and water. STUFFY NOSE? Put Vicks salve up your nose. PREVENT ALL SICKNESS 1 teaspoon of Caster Oil! Aghhh! CUT? Rub salt in the wound. (OUCH!) SUNBURN? Rub vinegar on it. COLDS? Drink sassafras tea. POISON IVY? Rub three different kinds of leaves together and rub on the rash. WARTS? Rub a penny on it, put the penny inside of a matchbox, throw the matchbox over your shoulder and don't look back. Whoever picks up the matchbox, will get your wart. Yours will disappear. MAD? Bite into a hog turd and get Remedies PREVENT ALL SICKNESS 1 teaspoon of Caster Oil! Aghhh! SUNBURN? Rub vinegar on it.

Advice

Drink orange juice in the morning to "Get the cobwebs out." Don't let a turtle bite you because it won't let go until it thunders. Don't handle a toad. If it pees on you, you will get warts. Make a face, and it will stick that way forever. Don't cross your eyes or they will stick that way forever. Want to see a monkey? Look in the mirror. (Who fell for that one?) Eat or suck on your hair and you will get worms. Spill the salt? Throw some of it over your left shoulder or you will have bad luck. If you sew on Sunday, the devil will make you take all the stitches out with your nose. Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. Don't sing at the table or you will cry before midnight. Opening an umbrella in the house will make you have bad luck. If you go back home after something you forgot, sit down or you will have bad luck. When your hand itches you are going to kiss a fool. When your nose itches, company is coming. Leaves turning inside out means it is going to rain. If there is enough blue in the sky to make a pair of Dutchman's pants; the weather is going to be clear. It the shoe fits, wear it. - If you did it, live with it. If you bite your nails you will get worms. Middle aged spread - When you reach middle age, you just gain weight. That is the "middle age spread." Vegetables planted in the light of the moon grow upward and do well. If planted in the dark of the moon, they grow downward. Always plant root crops in the dark of the moon.